Posted Dec 29, 2006 11:55pm-this is a journal entry written shortly after Drew was diagnosed....please, give-
Induction complete---
Now Intensive Consolidation...New drugs, new side effects, new hopes, new prayers, Gotta love Cancer!!!
Finally, it is 10:30 p.m. and my house is quiet. The sound of both kids breathing in and out through the baby monitors fills the air and I have a deeper sense of relief and need for quiet. Tonight, Drew had a horrible time taking his medication...he fought so hard to be in control...to not have to give into his mother...( I guess it is a good thing my baby is a fighter...it just makes him that much tougher) so, here u have it my life...my reality---Drew and Mommy fighting over medications while Sissy is screaming in the background with both Labs barking...Again, Gotta love Cancer!!!
The last few days have been emotional, physically challenging, and better considering Drew is off Steroids and Sarah is teething. Drew and his friend David visited...compared cars, conducted trains, ate lunch and exchanged Christmas gifts...the visit started well but, ended with an emotional bang!!! After, all said and done yesterday Clinic was pretty good...it start at 9 a.m. with a blood draw..Drew was on NPO again which means no food or drink (other than clear) two hour before a procedure such as a spinal or bone marrow. What torture for a three year old coming of steroids and anxious about his procedures to not be able to eat breakfast. Finally, we had the Lumbar Puncture (LP/spinal tap) and each time a procedure is done it is very hard for Chris and I. Drew gets morphine for pain, numbing cream on the entry sites, and versed (a drug that is supposed to make him forget the whole thing). Although he gets these drugs, it is very clear that he feels everything that they are doing. He must lie in a fetal position (like the letter C ) and be held in that position by the nurse while the Nurse Judy does the procedure. We somehow through this awful procedure do enjoy the side effects of the morphine since we get a glimpse of the chatting, imaginative Drew that normally seems suspended in the haze of the other drug side effects. There are no words to describe the feelings you have as you watch your child curled up in pain, being jiggled back and forth as they insert the long needle, the spinal tap. There are no words to describe the feelings of watching the marrow come out for the bone marrow aspiration or the spinal fluid drip, and the syringe of yellow chemo drug (MTX) enter his central nervous system. It is both terror and relief...relief that with each procedure, each medication, each moment, we are saving his life! Without Chemotherapy he would die. However, I still wonder what my life was like before November 14, 2006? How would it be today...If there was no Cancer or no Chemotherapy? What gave me the to feeling or need to push for that finger poke at my pediatric office...and demand answers because my son had a fever (just a fever...just a cold)? Why did my life change forever...Who decided that I needed Cancer in my life to survive? When will this horrible nightmare be over...and when can my baby boy be normal (other parents teach their children words such as dog, and, cat...my son is learning Zantac, Zofran, Dexsonmethsone, Methtrextete, Vincristine, Cytarabine, Mercaptopurine, and Cytoxan)? Where can I go for these answers and get them?
Please, I ask for you to pray and hope for a better day for Drew, the Chemo drugs do what they are suppose to do (kill Cancer), his doctors and nurses help, guide and take care of him...that he his is brave, strong and courageous...
Thank you to all that have given us word of inspiration, thoughts and prayers...
Thank you Polly for your wonderful gift...You are an awesome person with a beautiful heart...Words cannot express what I am feeling so, I give you a hard, long cyber hug from my families arms...
No I do not Gotta love Cancer...I hate it...but, I do love my Boy!!!
Love and have a Happy New Year!!!
Jennifer
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